Episode 10- Out of the Watersian Shadows & Into The Light!

As you might have guessed from my last Blog (Episode 9--Springtime in Baltimore, Springtime at Last!), lately I had been feeling that the absurdist, "Watersian" and "Seinfeldian" elements in my life had gotten more than a bit out-of-hand.

When I left town for a very brief overnight visit in NYC two weekends ago, before staying with my folks a few days in Rockland County, NY, I saw this as my big chance to briefly escape such things.

Silly me. I should have recognized that in a place like NYC, avoiding "Seinfeldian" or "Watersian" elements would be a nearly impossible thing for a strange artsy chic like myself to do. Really, how ridiculous--who could escape Seinfeld's spirit in NYC? Plus, what with the two Waters productions running also on Broadway (both "Cry-Baby" and "Hairspray") these days, John Waters' influence is pervasive there too.

Here was my first sign: a block away from a dinner party in the Village for one of my closest friends, I practically stumbled across the set of a new Woody Allen movie-in-the-making starring Larry David (co-creator, head writer & exec producer of Seinfeld, and creator & star of the Seinfeldian HBO show Curb Your Enthusiasm, for those of you who don't know).

If I really wanted to miss the Seinfeldian-inspired absurdities almost sure to follow, that would have been my cue to skip the party and head for my hotel. Or at least, cut out before the start of the comedy show I was to drop in on thereafter, at which a friend was scheduled to perform.

But I have never, in my life, deliberately skipped a friend's party; nor have I ever willingly missed a performer-friend's show. So really, I do not see what I could have done to avoid a sequence of super-"Seinfeldian" strangeness that did, thereafter, unravel before my eyes.

Even so, it has taken me a while to recover from the NYC stuff.

For a while to be honest, since returning to Baltimore, I have been laying low. Meanwhile, people all around me had been reporting "John Waters" sightings for weeks. In the last few days, these have been increasing to a fever pitch. And lately, so many folks I meet, hang out, or work on community projects with seems to be inextricably entwined not merely in my life, but also in JW's.

I have reason to be cautious. One might say that this is a sort of "Witching Hour for Watersian-inspired weirdness." This period, which started I'd say around April 22nd (John Waters' birthday), lasting at least through the end of Maryland Film Fest (which kicks off Thurs, May 1st & ends Sun, May 4th) is surely when JW's weird influence here is strongest - and when Baltimore is sure to be at its most bizarre.

Well, I have decided I must not hide from my strange Blog-life, or JW's legacy, or from "zany" Baltimore's influence generally, anymore. I could try hibernating at home, but I doubt it would do much good. Somehow, I think, Baltimorean, "Watersian"-inspired strangeness would find me, even hiding under the bed.

And no matter what, I would not miss the Maryland Film Fest for anything.

So I have decided: I will throw caution to the wind.

Rather than hiding, I will meet JW on his own turf: when he presides over his favorite film pick at The Charles Theatre on Friday for the FilmFest. It will be, appropriately enough, Story of Women, a "provocative" French film.

To mark the occasion, I will have with me a sort of posse of some of my favorite gal-pals & female Blog-Superstars. And we will meet and talk with JW, I suspect, of this strange legacy he has passed on to us, and also I would guess of many other queer and peculiar 'Watersian' happenings too.

All in all, I am quite sure the experience will be both Super-Blogworthy & Superstrange.

So please buy your tix early and stop by if you can. And definitely, keep "tuning" in for many more strange, weird, & zany 'Watersian' & 'Seinfeldian' adventures in & around 'artsy, grassrootsy, socially oriented Bmore' to come.

Copyright 2008 by Lois

The pic, as I mentioned, is one a friend took on 4/18 in NYC of Woody Allen directing his new (yet unnamed) movie starring Larry David. We celebrated & drank much wine at my friend Kal's birthday at Le Belle Vie (a really nice, & very reasonably-priced restaurant in the Village) while WA continued to direct & shoot the film about a block away.

So much is going on here in Baltimore right now. I will only try to mention a few important things coming up in the next few days.

First & foremost, there is Maryland's FilmFest. It kicks off with an opening shorts program, hosted by Bmore film legend Barry Levinson, tomorrow night (Thursday, May 1st).

Friday, May 2nd, movies run from 11 AM to 10:30 PM in three locations (Charles Theatre, UB Student Center, & MICA Brown Center) in Mt. Vernon, Baltimore. John Waters will be there to present his "film pick" at The Charles, which will be shown starting at 7 PM. I was there last year for his last pick; that film was phenomenal, and John was charming, easy-going, and incredibly funny. So I have high expectations for this Fri. Buy your tix in advance, I would be surprised if they didn't sell out. Ticket cost: $10.

More wonderful films run Sat & Sunday May 3-4th. To check shedule, view film descriptions, and order tix, go to the MD Film Fest main site. For reviews and more info, visit The City Paper's spread here.

Other big weekend things on my radar:

1) Fri, May 2nd - Sat, May 3rd (11 AM - 8 PM both days) is Flowermart, as usual at Mt. Vernon around the Washington Monument, Baltimore's 91st! For more details see the main site. Stop by & see my GreenCityBaltimore partner Doug Retzler's Paisley Green Roof display at Parks & People's Urban Forest (S of the Washington Monument).

2) Fri, May 2nd (7-10 pm)- "Bicycle/ tricycle art" & live music event at Velocipide Bike Project Opening Reception. "A Study of The Trike" at 4 Lanvale Street, Baltimore. (Exhibit runs May 2-25th.) With performances by Yeveto & Orion Rigel Dommissee. $5 Donation suggested. More info at: http://www.velocipedebikeproject.org/

3) Baltimore's 10th Kinetic Sculpture Race- Sat, May 3rd - race starts with opening ceremonies at the American Visionary Art Museum, on the shore of Baltimore’s Inner Harbor in central Maryland. The eight-hour race covers 15 miles—mostly on pavement, but also including a trip into the Chesapeake Bay and through mud and sand.

4) Sat, May 3rd (10 am - 6 pm) & Sun, May 4th (10 am - 2 pm) - Rock Fight Against Lymphoma & Leukemia - 25 bands - music/ charity event at Huckas at 2324 Boston Street, MD. For more info see: http://www.myspace.com/rockfightpattersonpark (note, event venue no longer at Patterson Park anymore). Donations (I think of $10 pp) recommended.

5) Sat, May 3rd (7 pm) - Baltimore Songwriter's Association showcase of recently released juried CD "Songs from a Charmed City" - a Baltimore Live Music Meetup event at the Unitarian Unviersalists of Fallston! For more info or to sign up, click here.

**Check out our Flickr photos of Doug Retzler's "Visions of a Healthy City" Chalk-In project, one of his & GreenCityBaltimore's contributions to Baltimore's Ecofest (soon to be added to our photo sets here).

GreenCityBaltimore sponsored this to publicize Doug's "Art in Common/ Art for GreenSpaces" initiative, to build support for various eco-friendly & sustainable art projects in parks throughout Baltimore City. More info will be available in the future at www.artincommon.org . Upcoming GreenCityBaltimore events & "green" Baltimore info available at http://www.greencitybaltimore.org/ .

Ecofest on Sat, April 26th was HUGE this year BTW, thanks to all of the GreenWeek organizers, volunteers, participants & sponsors for making it such a great success! Baltimore Green Week events continue through Friday, May 2nd. More details at http://www.baltimoregreenweek.org/ .

Episode 9- Springtime in Bmore, Springtime at Last! ;)

If you're one of my five fervid "LoisLife" fans, you may have noticed I've gotten a bit off-track in my Blogging of late.

Won't go into it much. ...Let's just say that a few weeks ago one of my earliest considered LL Blog characters told me something that surprised me, and for a while I was reeling a bit.

Actually the circumstances of my peculiar little melodramatic, romantic detour struck me as being (yup, you guessed it!) of a particularly "Seinfeldian-Meets-John Watersian" sort. Since I value the curiosity of my 5 loyal LL fans above anything, I did try to capture all this in a Blog.

But I'm afraid there are times when even my (seemingly) cleverly crafted LL stories do not quite meet with a potential Blog-character's approval, and this was simply one of those times. So for now we will simply have to call this one of my lost LL episodes--to be released, perhaps, at a later date.

Quite honestly, for the last few weeks, it has been a bit of "touch-and-go" situation for me, a bit "heavy" to tell the truth. Thankfully, though, 2 things have conspired to lighten the load.

The first is my discovery of the wonderful songs of Parkville's (a Bmore suburb) Ellen Cherry. She has this wonderful song called "Superhero" especially which I have quickly grown to love.

Another is the realization that it is Springtime in Baltimore--Springtime, at last!

Always during this time, many "green" and new things spring up which make my eyes water, my nose run, and my throat itch.

Still it is a pleasure to see all of these wonderful things growing and sprouting, even in formerly barren and dark places in Baltimore, & in the too-long abandoned recesses of the heart.

Now I could be cynical and self-mocking, in the grand old Bawlmorean tradition, a tradition I understand.

After too many years of waiting, hard to "buy into" all the city-sponsored promises and sloganeering: at words ("Believe") and phrases suspended in cyberspace, on billboards, on buildings, even the sometimes rickety or collapsing city bench.

Yet for all that we Bawlmoreans (the old residents and the new) may be tempted to view each new promise of improvement with the old accustomed cynicism, I will say this: Baltimore is not merely "green" in experience. She is also, relatively speaking, a very young city yet.

Truly she has had many stumbles and halts. In her recent past--and still today--she has borne, and continues to bear, more than her share of scars and indignities, suffering and wounds.

But always she is brilliantly creative, and above all surprisingly resillient, no matter what.

And just now I see her, as I see myself, emerging as if after a long sleep prepared for a new beginning, and indeed, in the full strength and creative flowering of her youth.

There are two videos I seem unable to stop playing, both because they make me laugh and because they lighten my heart.

...And also because they whisper that so many of us regular Baltimoreans are only just now charting for ourselves--and for our city too--a strange and magical and wonderful new course.

The first video is from John Waters' Hairspray, it kicks off to the tune "Good Morning Baltimore." The one I've linked is from the Hairspray production currently running on Broadway.

You'll find it right now also on my LL MySpace. Come "friend" me if you haven't already! If you visit now, you'll also hear my friend Woody's "Save the World" song there too. ...This is a cool tune which Woody's also started performing recently at his concerts at various locations about town.

The second video is of Sonny and Cher singing their big break-out hit "I Got You Babe" at the start of their career. This pair was, from the start, as unlikely & eccentric as any characters Waters cast in any of his movies. And where their careers went later [Sonny's to big-time national politics shortly before his tragic skiing accident, Cher's to super-stardom on a global scale] neither they, nor Waters himself, could possibly have predicted, much less dreamed up.

And actually, Sonny was cast in Waters' first Hairspray movie. So he can properly be called a 'Watersian' LL Baltimore Blogstar too.

But mostly this second video leads me to think of one or another peculiar Bmore pairing of talented eccentric visionaries, the kinds of strange, fortuitous and friendly partnerships upon which the joy and redemption and hope of a city like ours is built.

Copyright 2008 by Lois

Soon it will be Ecofest, in Druid Hill Park (April 26th) & Baltimore Green Week (April 25th-May 2nd)! To learn about exciting upcoming Ecofest & BGW events go to www.greencitybaltimore.org & www.baltimoregreenweek.org. I will be looking for volunteers for our GreenCityBaltimore table. Email me at Lois@Loislife.com if you'd like to help out!

The photo was taken not in Bmore, but in nearby Washington, DC. The truck-borne quote is by Itzah C. Kret, otherwise known as "The Phantom Planter," a Washington, DC artist, children's poet, environmental activist & dreamer, who has lived a life as varied & fascinating as any of the fantastical visionary artists showcased now or ever at the American Visionary Art Museum ("AVAM").

AVAM is simply my all-time favorite museum in the world. Its next big event is the Kinetic Sculpture Race to be held Sat, 5/3. Volunteers needed now. Contact jamie@avam.org or call 410.244.1900 to sign up.

Plenty of events in Bmore to celebrate April as National Poetry Month. Check out esp the 3rd yr Anniversary Party at Load of Fun on Fri 4/18; Minas Gallery's Poetry Month Celebration Sun, 4/20 at 4 PM; & Zelda's Inferno's next Open Mic night Tues, 4/29 at 2640 St. Paul. For more poetry info, visit the Poetry in Baltimore site, MD Open Mic site, Baltimore Fun Guide, and Baltimore-Localist.

On Sat, April 12th, from approx 8 PM & thereafter I will be at the Women Rock! concert at Load of Fun (this is a LadyFest Baltimore event; see the CityPaper article about LadyFest Baltimore here). Ellen Cherry is one of the wonderful "lady" musicians featured. Same night, same location is the Doll Project Fundraiser for the MD House of Ruth. Stop by on the 1st floor btwn 6-10 pm to catch it.

On Sun, April 13th, I will be at the Women's K.I.S.S. Event at the Creative Alliance at the Patterson (also as a Bmore Live Music Meetup) at 3 PM. Sahffi, whom I've blogged about before, will be among the musicians performing.

If you are a woman looking to fulfill your wildest business dreams in our wonderfully woman-dominated city, join me at the "Today's Business Woman III Conference" on Fri, April 25th at The Radisson Cross Keys. More conference details at the "Bmore4Her Online Resource" site.

Exciting news for Baltimore & for LoisLife: On April 14th, a new Bmore focused publication of the Baltimore Sun Media Group called 'b' and its online counterpart 'bthesite' kicks off! Among other things, the new publications will work with WTMD--and us--to further promote local music. Look to find 'LoisLife' content, photos & links on http://www.bthesite.com/ in the future.

Final plug: WHAM CITY, a Bmore artist, music & production "collective" phenom which started as a bunch of dreamy eyed kids from SUNY-Purchase, recently moved to a new location. Check out their MySpace for upcoming event info. Also see the Baltimore City Paper article & the Wikipedia piece to learn more about what these dreamers have created.

Episode 6- Baltimore Barbies, Alcohol, & MLA Launch Parties Don't Mix!

Woke up exhausted this morning after the big (and very well-attended) "Maryland Lawyers for the Arts"- Arts Brief Launch party at Lemongrass and Tsunami (hosted by Smalltimore Events) last night.

Not that I'd had all that much to drink really, but I'd been running myself ragged for 2 weeks straight so I guess 2 'orange crushes' on too little sleep was just enough to do the trick.

I was feeling just a wee bit 'off' when I first arrived at the party actually. Under most circumstances I am really not shy, but occasionally I feel a bit lost when surrounded by too many 'towering' fashionably-dressed people in strange settings (it can be easy to see people as 'towering' when you yourself are not quite 5 feet).

This effect tends to be heightened by sleep deprivation and hunger, so it took me a while to get my bearings last night. Then I found the free buffet, and this helped to improve my mood to a wonderful extent.

After a decent period of scavenging I felt much less cranky & started talking to people, and then I found a few I recognized and some who, for that matter, recognized me.

Among these were Annette, an artist, wife, and publicity agent of one of the Bobwhites (a cool 'art rock' & swing Baltimore band); Jonathan, a MICA student who dreamed up and is directing this fabulous 'Baltimore Sweep Action Parade' March 29th, as well as his Assistant Director, Anna Page; and Natalya, a law student I met at City Paper's 2007 Valentine's masqueRED Ball at Sonar, a cool party with lots of great people, fun music & many interesting 'party favors' of the 'public health' variety (it was to benefit Chase Brexton Health).

Then I met up with Alex, this really positive, energetic & wonderfully imaginative psychotherapist/ teacher/ actress, and we got to talking for a while till we both decided it was time to leave.

When I got home I jumped into bed almost immediately looking forward to a good night's sleep.

I guess all this running around must have affected me strangely, for I had these very peculiar, 'larger-than-life Barbie-filled' dreams. I can't relate too much about these noctural wanderings other than that they were filled with many statuesque, impressively-clad, adult human-size yet also doll-like Barbies, clinking glasses of what I presumed to be alcohol in darkly green-filtered surroundings, speaking to one another in high flute-like voices throughout the night.

When morning broke I struggled but was unable to remember much else, though the source of such dreams is really not hard to place.

When I first saw Alex she was playing the role of a Barbie doll-come-to-life in this truly bizarre, but very emotionally-engaging play at the Fells Point Corner Theatre as part of last year's Baltimore Playwrights Festival. In it Alex, one of two featured 'Barbies,' narrated tales of many child-inflicted tortures suffered, alongside her male counterpart (the similarly-abused 'Ken'), over the years in a really compelling and rather gut-wrenching way. YouTube video of Alex in her 'Barbie' role can be viewed here & on the right side of this Blog.

As a child I never subjected my own 'Barbies' to such abuses. I bought many of them after all with my own money, and treasured them very much in my way. Still I admit that I cast them, at least mentally, in some rather sketchy adult-type 'creative fantasy role-play' scenarios of which Mattell would simply never have approved.

I will say that my Barbies seem to have survived it all in relatively healthy good spirits, as you can see from the photo of one I've included with this Episode.

Normally I don't keep my Barbies in my apartment--not that I don't have my eccentricities, but my apartment is already cluttered enough with miscellaneous 'artsy' ecclectic stuff. For the last 3 decades or so they lived in my parents' basement in Rockland County, NY but lately they (my parents, not the Barbies) have talked of moving so they insisted I keep the Barbies here, in my own storage space.

But as you might observe, 'Golden Dream Barbie' (my childhood favorite) seems to have found a comfortable niche by my window just now hanging out with my jade plant (which is not at all menacing or even fashion-threatening like the ficus I wrote about in Episode 1--the Man Eating Plant, or commented on in Episode 4--Lois Finds Love at The Ottobar with Trixie Little, The Evil Hate Monkey and Scotty The Blue Bunny). She is also hanging out near the 'green Lois' bottle which my cousin Lori found for me a few weeks back. So I might just let her hang out here a while longer, so long as she doesn't see fit to keep 'haunting' my mental meanderings at night.

The 'Bobwhites' will be performing, and some of the band will also be reading poetry (along with some other well-known poets) at a spoken-word CD release event called 'Words on War' Friday, March 7th from 7 pm- 12 am at the Load of Fun Studio (120 W. North Ave). More details at Load of Fun's event calendar here.

Other events of note to take place March 7th include a 'Girls' Night Out' concert, sponsored by the recently-turned-two years' old Maryland indie music community networking organization Static Chain, featuring wonderful Baltimore-based female folk artists (Sahffi, Teporah, Clarissa and Toni Sicola) at Tyson's Tavern from 8 pm- 12 am. For more info, click here.

And two of my condo building-mates are putting on a Choreographer's Showcase event that same night (March 7th) from 8-10 pm at the Constance R. Caplan Dance Studio, Room 163, Mattin Cultural Arts Center at Johns Hopkins (North Charles Street at 33rd Street), it is completely free and all are invited.

More details about the Baltimore Sweep Action Parade to take place March 29th (4 teams 'sweeping' debris from 4 separate Bmore neighborhoods to converge on Mount Vernon Place 3/29, resulting in a public sculpture display to remain in Mt. Vernon Park until 5/20 as part of the Greater Baltimore Cultural Alliance's Festival of Maps exhibition) will be found at http://www.baltimoresweepaction.org/ and will soon be posted to GreenCityBaltimore's Blogsite (http://www.greencitybaltimore.org/) and yahoo group space ( http://groups.yahoo.com/group/greencitybaltimore/ ).

Copyright 2008 by Lois

Episode 1--The Man-Eating Plant*

So, here is how I became apprised of this rather peculiar...situation concerning my ficus.

I was chatting at an office party recently with Tom, an attorney about as attractive and charismatic as he is funny (and no Mom he is not single, he is quite happily married with two lovely children thank you very much for asking.) --Sorry for the aside, but given Mom’s perpetual penchant for hopeful fantasizing along these lines I just knew what was coming.

In the course of our chat I mentioned that I would be taking off a week to attend to some things back home that needed...well, attending to.

Tom, catching ahold of some admitted deliberate ambiguity, ventured that perhaps the thing I meant chiefly to do at home was to take care of a certain ‘Man-Eating Plant' I had there. Such herbiage, he mused, could easily require a week’s full attention.

Now, normally I would have laughed at a comment clearly meant to be funny. In this case, I experienced a rather different reaction--at first surprise, then something else--instant recognition. As ridiculous as it sounds, you see--while I do not actually have a plant back home capable of that kind of cannibalistic behavior, I actually do have a rather large, and lately strangely thriving ficus.

I say strangely, because while I help to run and administer a blogsite called GreenCityBaltimore (http://greencitybaltimore.org/ ), I admit to being quite shockingly (and fatally) unskilled horticulturally-speaking. In fact, almost every plant that has been gifted to me by friends and/or guest-acquaintances (I do not undertake such plant-tending ventures on my own) has sadly found its way, at some inevitable time, down the ‘throw-away’ chute of my building.

On the other hand, the ficus (technically a tree, not a plant, if you note the wikipedia definition supplied here) bequeathed on me as an optimistic housewarming gift by my real estate agent, Betsy, really has proven quite unusually hardy.

Of late, though, I had sort of noticed that it (the ficus I mean) had developed a particularly jaunty sort of way of wearing its...hat.

"Wait--hat?" You might say. As well you should. "Since when does a ficus wear a hat?"

...Well, to this I will answer that it is a sort of blue Polo cap and if there was anything rather unusual about a ficus wearing one the thought had never before occurred to me. I tend as a whole to be about as indifferent and oblivious to such matters as I am about housekeeping and also about the strange eccentric but generally pretty charismatically attractive single men who sometimes, over the course of two years, have made very very brief 'guest' appearances in my life and my apartment and then disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again.

Quite frankly, I have rarely had much time to concern myself at all with it, I have been so very busy with social activities and community work and running the GreenCityBaltimore blogsite and such things as that.

After Tom’s comment though, I could not help but connect the two phenomena. It occurred to me, at that moment, that I had perhaps seen that cap on someone else some months back before I first noticed it perched on the ‘head’ of my ficus.

Come to think of it, a rather specific someone...and not only did I never hear from him again after his initial apartment-visit, I don’t quite remember him ever leaving my apartment.

The more I thought about it, the more I thought that perhaps I had, at last, struck upon a theory which was–well, if not exactly comforting, still rather satisfying at least in its ability to explain a few things. At least, if true, I could finally answer those pesky questions sometimes posed to me–by my Mom, by a few friends/ acquaintances along the way–about why I do not ever seem to have, or keep, any visible men in my life–although I personally know that they do sometimes find their way into my apartment.

The plant! Of course, the plant! It is the fault of that foolish, blood-thirsty, man-eating plant! Well, ficus, tree, plant, what’s the difference? The point is, I finally had an acceptable explanation!

Being hopelessly civic-minded, I figured I had no choice but to file a report with the proper authorities. They came, looked around a bit–doubtfully, really–swiped the hat and took DNA samples. (They did me the favor of loaning it back to me briefly so my ficus could model it once again for my Blogshow–see the second main photo on the right column of my Blog, in which the ficus can be spotted, if you look carefully, actually grinning.) The results are pending.

I am somewhat hopeful, perhaps more than I ought to be. With a crime problem as big as Baltimore’s (a city I love and so am sorry to have to admit to this), the reported disappearance of a few strange, eccentric, attractive single men from a single gal’s apartment is bound to rank a little low in their priorities.

Still, at least the report has now been made and the wheels of justice are turning, and moreover I now know enough to keep any men who might find their way in from here on out far away from the herbiage, and to watch both their entry and their exit more carefully.

Live and learn, isn't that way they say? ...Well, not so much for a few of my 'male guests' in the past tense perhaps, but in the end, really at this moment (at least until the test results are in) only my ficus knows the truth of it. I will of course apprise readers of any further 'green-crime' domestic developments. Crime of any sort, even of the potentially plant-committed variety, is simply not something to be taken lightly.

Until then, I will continue to tend, as best I can, to my ficus. Men are men, after all--they come and they go--but with 'green' things I figure I have at least an obligation to try as best I can, for once, to help things that were flourishing continue to flourish.

Copyright 2008 by Lois

*Some elements of this particular LL Sitcom may have been, and probably were, fictionalized. The ficus is real, although it now favors modeling ladies' shoes over men's caps. For more on this (even more alarming development) see my second comment below.